Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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