Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
