**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
