One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
