Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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