when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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