Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
