Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the barista slut.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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