i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize