Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
