We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize