Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
