I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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