I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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