something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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