I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
