Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
