all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
