ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All the doctor said was why
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize