so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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