I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
