Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
