I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
