There was a lot of him and a little penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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