Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Farmville is her only friend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
