First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
