Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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