we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
