absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
