I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
