there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
