I just threw up on my dentist
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
