Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Randomize
