M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
