just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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