If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
