id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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