we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
