I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
