I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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