Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
