just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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