would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He shit in the fireplace
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
