It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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