Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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