Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
