he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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