Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
