I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
