you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
