What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
where are my eyebrows?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
