Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
