So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
