By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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