Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
