Four minutes until I can fart!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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