i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
