I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
