dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
