he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
