i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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