I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
