I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
