Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
