i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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