you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
