Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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