RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
