I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
