My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you inspire me to be a worse person
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
