felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
