He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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