Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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