if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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