i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
