It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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