mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
