I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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