Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
