dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
