I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
