Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
