i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
