he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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