I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
