That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
