we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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