sorry about calling you the devil all night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
