Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
