just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
