why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
