somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
