yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
