After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My vagina just clenched in fear
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
