My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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