She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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