No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
